Some commentary is required. This story is part nonsense story and part slight satire on some issues in my country (Malaysia). Unless you are familiar with them, you probably will not notice the parallels I draw. (E.g. Aryans, 15% discount, Kutadships). Anyway, enjoy!
___________________________________
Prince Democracy (yes, that is his name) was quite intrigued when he heard about the Paper Lighthouse.
“And so,” Mr. Fairytale said, “this is the story of the Paper Lighthouse.”
“Intriguing indeed. Very intriguing.” Democracy said to himself the moment Mr. Fairytale ended.
“So. Where is my cash?” Mr. Fairytale asked.
“How dare you show such contempt to me!” raged Prince Democracy. “Off with his head!”
Thus, Mr. Fairytale’s existence came to an abrupt end.
***
Across the ocean, the very same tale of the Paper Lighthouse came to the ears of King Communism. The Messenger (so was the name of the person who brought the tale to King Communism) intrigued the King with “an amazingly intriguing story” (so was the King‘s words).
“So,” said the Messenger. “Where’s my cash?”
King Communism nodded and clapped his hands. A briefcase filled with 3 dollar bills amounting to 3 billion dollars was handed to the Messenger.
***
At this moment, I suppose you must be thinking this: “What in the world is the amazingly intriguing story of the Paper Lighthouse?”
Well, I thought you would think so. So, here it is.
(A long, long time ago)
There was a man who had a simple name- Constructor. Constructor wanted to build something, but did not know what to build. So, he asked a guy with the complicated name of Architect to help. Architect drew up some plans and gave it to Constructor.
During those days, unlike now, one needed to ask permission from the local council office if one wanted to build a building.
Also, during those days (unlike now) the local council office was much more rude and unreliable. Thus, they required three conditions to be fulfilled by Constructor.
These three conditions were as follows:
1. All Aryans must be allowed 15% discount if they wish to purchase the building. Failure to comply will result in a personal visit from (or to) King A.H.
(Okay, I can live with that.)
2. A cafeteria MUST be built. The food served must be nutritious, healthy, low in fat and must follow the food pyramid.
(Uh...sure.)
But the last and the most hardest condition were as follows:
3. No cement, brick, mortar or steel can be used during construction, as they are not kosher.
(Hmm. This is going to be difficult.)
You might think you know where this is headed:
“And so Constructor decided to use paper and managed to build his lighthouse and lived happily ever after.”
But you thought wrong. I am not known for my predictability. Mysterious, shocking revelations are on the way, but yet to come. In fact, they might never come.
Anyway, Constructor was in a fix. He needed help. So, he went to a good friend who was called Karl.
“Hullo mate!” Karl greeted him, speaking in the Marxist accent. “What can I do for ya ?”
Constructor handed him the piece of paper in which the three conditions were listed.
“Read number three. I’m having trouble there.” Constructor said.
“Ah yes. That stumps me too. But I think I know someone who can help.”
“Who might that be?”
“Two people, actually. They might be both of help.” Karl wrote down their names and addresses and handed it to Constructor.
Constructor thanked Karl and was on his way. First stop was a man by the name of Stupid Idiot.
“Hello Stupid Idiot.” Constructor said.
“Hi! How may I help you?” Stupid Idiot replied.
Constructor told him about his predicament. Stupid Idiot looked contemplative. After a few minutes of deep thought, Stupid Idiot said:
“There’s not much I’ve come up with. But you’re building a light house, right?”
“Yes.”
“Then you might try using paper. It is quite a sturdy material that can hold up against fire and water quite well. In fact, it's quite impervious to any wear and tear.”
“I’ve never heard of it before. Where might I get it?”
“That I do not know. Sorry, my child.”
“No problem. Thanks for your help Stupid Idiot.”
“What did you just say?”
“Uh...thanks a lot.”
“No, you called me a stupid idiot!”
“But you are!”
“No I am not! I am a smart intelligent person you unappreciative jar of lard!”
Constructor ran away as fast as his feet could take him, with Stupid Idiot running after him shouting curses. Thankfully, Constructor managed to get away. His next and final stop was a man named Bob.
“Hi!” Constructor said. He was happy as he saw some common ground- Bob was a builder.
“Hey! You’re Constructor right?” Bob said.
“Yeah. You’ve got some nice equipment here.”
“Thanks. So ...what brings you to my humble shop?”
“Paper, actually. I was wondering whether you have any of it or know where to get it.”
“In fact I do. Just arrived yesterday. I don’t see the use of it, though. You can have it if you want them for cheap.”
“Thanks.”
And so Constructor managed to obtain the material he needed to build his lighthouse. He immediately set to work, using illegal immigrants with expired work permits. Strangely enough, they were not ruled out in the three conditions set forth by the city council.
(Probably because the workers were Aryans.)
It took exactly 444 days for the Paper Lighthouse to be completed.
(Probably why no Chinese were among the illegal workers.)
At exactly 445 days, the Paper Lighthouse was officially opened to the public. The local city council praised Constructor for complying magnificently with their conditions. In reward, they awarded him a Kutadship.
On one very rainy night, a lightning struck the lighthouse. It was immediately set ablaze. The local fire crew came by to try to extinguish the flame. They endured the icy cold winds and the freezing rain to put out the fire with their hoses. It was only in the morning, when the rain stopped, that they managed to put out the fire. In reward, the fireman were awarded Kutadships.
But something caught the eyes of the firemen and made Constructor faint. It was revealed that the Paper Lighthouse was just an ordinary lighthouse after all- made with all the un-Kosher stuff that were banned in the Three Conditions.
Constructor had merely used the paper as a covering!
In the end, Constructor had his Kutadship revoked, and was jailed in disgrace.
***
Was that intriguing? I’m sure it was.
So...
Where’s my cash?
___________________________________
Prince Democracy (yes, that is his name) was quite intrigued when he heard about the Paper Lighthouse.
“And so,” Mr. Fairytale said, “this is the story of the Paper Lighthouse.”
“Intriguing indeed. Very intriguing.” Democracy said to himself the moment Mr. Fairytale ended.
“So. Where is my cash?” Mr. Fairytale asked.
“How dare you show such contempt to me!” raged Prince Democracy. “Off with his head!”
Thus, Mr. Fairytale’s existence came to an abrupt end.
***
Across the ocean, the very same tale of the Paper Lighthouse came to the ears of King Communism. The Messenger (so was the name of the person who brought the tale to King Communism) intrigued the King with “an amazingly intriguing story” (so was the King‘s words).
“So,” said the Messenger. “Where’s my cash?”
King Communism nodded and clapped his hands. A briefcase filled with 3 dollar bills amounting to 3 billion dollars was handed to the Messenger.
***
At this moment, I suppose you must be thinking this: “What in the world is the amazingly intriguing story of the Paper Lighthouse?”
Well, I thought you would think so. So, here it is.
(A long, long time ago)
There was a man who had a simple name- Constructor. Constructor wanted to build something, but did not know what to build. So, he asked a guy with the complicated name of Architect to help. Architect drew up some plans and gave it to Constructor.
During those days, unlike now, one needed to ask permission from the local council office if one wanted to build a building.
Also, during those days (unlike now) the local council office was much more rude and unreliable. Thus, they required three conditions to be fulfilled by Constructor.
These three conditions were as follows:
1. All Aryans must be allowed 15% discount if they wish to purchase the building. Failure to comply will result in a personal visit from (or to) King A.H.
(Okay, I can live with that.)
2. A cafeteria MUST be built. The food served must be nutritious, healthy, low in fat and must follow the food pyramid.
(Uh...sure.)
But the last and the most hardest condition were as follows:
3. No cement, brick, mortar or steel can be used during construction, as they are not kosher.
(Hmm. This is going to be difficult.)
You might think you know where this is headed:
“And so Constructor decided to use paper and managed to build his lighthouse and lived happily ever after.”
But you thought wrong. I am not known for my predictability. Mysterious, shocking revelations are on the way, but yet to come. In fact, they might never come.
Anyway, Constructor was in a fix. He needed help. So, he went to a good friend who was called Karl.
“Hullo mate!” Karl greeted him, speaking in the Marxist accent. “What can I do for ya ?”
Constructor handed him the piece of paper in which the three conditions were listed.
“Read number three. I’m having trouble there.” Constructor said.
“Ah yes. That stumps me too. But I think I know someone who can help.”
“Who might that be?”
“Two people, actually. They might be both of help.” Karl wrote down their names and addresses and handed it to Constructor.
Constructor thanked Karl and was on his way. First stop was a man by the name of Stupid Idiot.
“Hello Stupid Idiot.” Constructor said.
“Hi! How may I help you?” Stupid Idiot replied.
Constructor told him about his predicament. Stupid Idiot looked contemplative. After a few minutes of deep thought, Stupid Idiot said:
“There’s not much I’ve come up with. But you’re building a light house, right?”
“Yes.”
“Then you might try using paper. It is quite a sturdy material that can hold up against fire and water quite well. In fact, it's quite impervious to any wear and tear.”
“I’ve never heard of it before. Where might I get it?”
“That I do not know. Sorry, my child.”
“No problem. Thanks for your help Stupid Idiot.”
“What did you just say?”
“Uh...thanks a lot.”
“No, you called me a stupid idiot!”
“But you are!”
“No I am not! I am a smart intelligent person you unappreciative jar of lard!”
Constructor ran away as fast as his feet could take him, with Stupid Idiot running after him shouting curses. Thankfully, Constructor managed to get away. His next and final stop was a man named Bob.
“Hi!” Constructor said. He was happy as he saw some common ground- Bob was a builder.
“Hey! You’re Constructor right?” Bob said.
“Yeah. You’ve got some nice equipment here.”
“Thanks. So ...what brings you to my humble shop?”
“Paper, actually. I was wondering whether you have any of it or know where to get it.”
“In fact I do. Just arrived yesterday. I don’t see the use of it, though. You can have it if you want them for cheap.”
“Thanks.”
And so Constructor managed to obtain the material he needed to build his lighthouse. He immediately set to work, using illegal immigrants with expired work permits. Strangely enough, they were not ruled out in the three conditions set forth by the city council.
(Probably because the workers were Aryans.)
It took exactly 444 days for the Paper Lighthouse to be completed.
(Probably why no Chinese were among the illegal workers.)
At exactly 445 days, the Paper Lighthouse was officially opened to the public. The local city council praised Constructor for complying magnificently with their conditions. In reward, they awarded him a Kutadship.
On one very rainy night, a lightning struck the lighthouse. It was immediately set ablaze. The local fire crew came by to try to extinguish the flame. They endured the icy cold winds and the freezing rain to put out the fire with their hoses. It was only in the morning, when the rain stopped, that they managed to put out the fire. In reward, the fireman were awarded Kutadships.
But something caught the eyes of the firemen and made Constructor faint. It was revealed that the Paper Lighthouse was just an ordinary lighthouse after all- made with all the un-Kosher stuff that were banned in the Three Conditions.
Constructor had merely used the paper as a covering!
In the end, Constructor had his Kutadship revoked, and was jailed in disgrace.
***
Was that intriguing? I’m sure it was.
So...
Where’s my cash?
1 comment:
Well written article.
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